You’re so lucky… Lucky that you found this page. Why? Because I just figured out how to win the lottery and, right now, I will teach you how to do it too.
All of the bad luck in your life is about to change. No more financial worries. Heck, no more worries, period. That’s what winning the lottery will do for you.
Your first stroke of luck was finding this article. But, through some mystical happenstance, you did it, you found this page. That, my friend, is fate. Now prepare to be wowed!
I’m going to tell you how to win the lottery. But first, I will tell you what pushed me to try to figure out how to do it. Then I will tell you why you should trust me that this works.
Finally, I’ll tell you exactly how to do it – How to win the lottery.
How It All Started
I, myself, wanted to learn how to win the lottery. As with anything, when you want to learn how to do something new, you find out how to do it by searching the internet (D’uh!). That’s what I did. I searched “How to win the lottery” on my favorite search engine.
This internet search engine provided plenty of results to my query. One, in particular, caught my attention. It was a system developed by a man claiming to be a professor from Oklahoma.
This professor claimed to have developed a magical formula that guarantees you’ll win the lottery 8-times-out-of-10.
8-times-out-of-10, eh? Nice, but I wanted to win it every time I played, like 10-times-out-of-10. Further, this professor wanted $100 to purchase his system. Ya, right! Like I’d fork over a hundred bucks to buy a system that fails 20% of the time. As if!
So I kept searching. I couldn’t find anything. I decided to figure it out on my own. I figured it out. In a moment, I will tell you.
Why Should You Trust Me
That Oklahoma professor that I told you about makes a lot of money selling his system at a hundred bucks a pop. Why? Because people trust him. He’s got credentials. I mean, he’s a professor… How could you not trust him?
You can trust me too. I’ve got credentials. For instance, I once passed a high school calculus exam without cheating. And, when I watch Jeopardy, I can sometimes answer a question (Or question an answer, whatever).
To top it all off, my mom once told me that I’m the second smartest out of all of her sons. So you see, I’m smart.
You know what else my mom told me? She told me I’m her best-looking son.
Why does it matter what I look like, you may ask? It matters because people that are good-looking are perceived to be more intelligent. It’s true, they did a study.
I’m smart, good-looking, and you can trust me. Now I’ll tell you how to win the lottery. But unlike that Oklahoma professor, I will not charge you anything for this. I will tell you for free.
If you do wanna pay me back, though, just buy me a Dr. Pepper when you win, OK?
How To Win The Lottery
I’m going to give you this information in concise, easy-to-understand steps. I’m going to specifically tell you how to win the Powerball game. However, you can use these steps to win any lotto game, worldwide.
Here we go:
Step 2: Grab your skateboard and skateboard on down to the local gas station. I prefer to go to BP because they’re a company that are meticulous about their offshore oil drilling safety.
That’s important to me. They almost never spill oil into the waters, especially the waters in the gulf of Mexico. But, for you, any gas station will do.
Step 3: Walk into the gas station and look for a multi-colored plastic stand that says “Lotto” on it. Go there. You will find number-selection slips. Take the one that says “Powerball.” That’s the one you need.
Step 4: This is the most important step. You have to pick five numbers from 1-to-59, plus one more number from 1-to-35.
Listen carefully, now. To win the Powerball jackpot, you have to correctly predict which numbers will be drawn on Powerball draw night. Those are the numbers that you need to mark down on the Powerball number-selection slip in front of you.
All you have to do to win the Powerball jackpot is correctly predict the numbers that will be drawn, ahead of time. That’s it! That’s all you have to do to win Powerball! It works every time!
Now you know how to win the lottery – You just have to correctly predict the numbers that will be drawn on draw night. You can do that for any lottery game, worldwide. It’s guaranteed to work every time, 10-times-out-of-10.
I’m sure you figured out that this article was overly sarcastic. I did that on purpose. There’s a lot of fluff on the internet regarding systems that promise you’ll win the lottery if you’d just fork over some dough.
I’m trying to save you some of that dough by, hopefully, persuading you that these “systems” don’t work. Nobody can teach you how to win the lottery, including myself.
With that said, winning the lottery is all about odds. Here are the odds of winning some of the most popular lottery games in the world (And as you’ll see, it’s hard to do):
Watcha gonna do now? Rush out to buy a Powerball ticket? I thought so!
P.S. Don’t forget to pay your mom back that $2 after you win the jackpot.